Baby Fever

Well, things are pretty quiet on the adoption front, but we have faith and patience.

The one thing I wasn’t expecting during this process, was to get baby fever.  Had it now for about 2 months, and it’s just not going away.
Mike would prefer to adopt, because he’s not too keen on going through the baby phase again.  He said he’s really happy where we are right now, and is enjoying the antisipation of adoption, and bringing a child in need into our family.
At this point, I would prefer adoption, because I want to save a life, but my biological clock says now, and adoption could take years.  So I’m completely torn, and am letting Mike take the wheel on this one 🙂

Update: The Stand-Still

It’s been a little while since I posted last, because nothing has really happenin in our process.  We’ve almost completed the adoption application, but have a few questions.  I’ve called the agency a few times with no response.  It’s disappointing, but I can only imagine how busy they are, so we’re being patient 🙂  As soon as I have any news, I’ll be sure to update the blog again 🙂

No Home For Chica

We thought we had found a new home for our Chica (Chihuahua), but it didn’t work out, so we’re continuing our efforts.  I’ll keep you posted

Step 1: Part 2 – The Application

We received the adoption application form in the mail today!  It’s only the initial pape work, but it’s still very exciting.  Although the forms are straight forward, it feels like we’re being forced to “shop” for a child.  We are to be specific about age, race, biological history and possible disorders.  If I could just go with my heart, I’d say just bring me the next little girl who needs a home, but it doesn’t quite work that way 🙂  So checking off the boxes is bitter-sweet, because although it’s a step closer to our little girl, it’s also knocking others off the list, and that’s a hard fact to face.  I mean, I’m legally blind and my bio mom did drugs and drank while she was pregnant with me, so I had a lot of odds stacked against me, but I function normally and lead a great life with very few hiccups due to my history.  So you just never know.  But we’ll finish filling the forms out this evening and I’ll let you know how it goes.

Too Many Children

How many children is too many?

I learned today that a family member thinks I have my work cut out for me with 3 kiddos, and should not be adopting a fourth.  This opinion was to be expected, but hurtful all the same.  To be insulted as a parent is something that will raise the hackles of any mama bear, including this one.  My family is my world, and I will protect and defend them with everything in me.  We’re not perfect, and we’ve faced a few giant hurtles over the years – ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and Optic Atrophy (legally blind), but we’re closer and stronger in spite of life’s adversities.

Is it more difficult to parent when you’re legally blind?  Probably, so I’m extra creative and attentive, which isn’t a bad thing.  I have to vacuum more often, especially when the kiddos are toddlers, I cut their food extra small so they won’t choke, and my ears are well tuned to the different tones in their voices and what they mean.  Has our 8 year old walked out the door without socks on, or our 2 year old unrolled the toilet paper?  Yes, on more than one occasion.  Does that mean I’m over my head?  Not from my point of view.  My boys are loud, messy and curious, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’d love to know how adding one more child to our family would be overwhelming for me.  I may get a little extra sleep and time to myself, but she can only make me a less selfish, more rounded, better person, and that’s something I’m ready to embrace.  With each additional child we’ve had my house has gotten cleaner, I’ve lost weight,  and Mike and I have grown closer.  It’s chaotic at times, but my children make my life better.

Step 1 – Part 1: The Call

I just called the adoption agency and left a message.  The worker called back about 5 minutes later to take down a bit of information and our mailing address so that he can mail us out an information package and an application form.  One we submit the application form, we will be invited to an orientation meeting in September.  The one thing he said is that they’re general rule is that they like the adopted child to be the youngest in the family, and since Kayden is only 6 weeks old, we may have to wait a year before beginning the real process, and then the wait for a baby is usually pretty long, because most people want to adopt an infant.  Not the best news, but it’s a step in the process.

We’ve chosen not to go with a private adoption agency for 2 reasons.
#1: Although the process is often faster, we see foster children in need of adoptive homes so often, and since both Mike and I have been in the foster system, it’s very dear to our hearts.
#2: We would like a daughter who is a bit older – between 2-8 years, and most private adoption agencies deal primarily with infants.  Although this agency does have the general rule about the adoptive child being the youngest, it’s not written in stone, and obviously, we are open to adopting a baby if she needs a home.

The Plan

I’m the type of person who always needs to be moving ahead, so while the adoption process has its own steps, I need to feel that I’m being as proactive as possible during this time.  I think it just makes me feel less helpless while we wait for the next step.  So here’s the list of things I plan to get done before our special K joins our family.  I’m sure the list will continue to develop as the adoption process unforlds, so keep checking back.

#1 – Find a new home for Chica
Chica is our 6 year old Chihuahua.  She’s absolutely wonderful as a companion, but she does have some bad habits, including leaving messes in the house, barking at anyone other then our family, being agressive with other dogs, and unpredictable with strangers.  For these reasons, and the fact that with 3 (going on 4) children, we have less and less time for her, we’ve decided to look for a new home for her.  It was a hard decision that I’ve been struggling with for about a year, but knowing she may be the deal-breaker when the adoption worker comes to do a home visit is just too much of a risk, so I have to put my emotions aside and do what’s best for my family.

Go one a trip with Mike
Mike and I have been married since 2004, and the only trip we’ve gone on alone is our honeymoon.  A friend of mine is getting married this summer, and we’re going out to BC for the wedding.  So we decided to take this opportunity to make it into a vacation for the two of us as well.  We will most likely take Kayden, but we’ll see.  It’s important for Mike and I to maintain a close bond in order to parent the best we can.  So this trip is pretty important.

Become a minimalist
A minimalist is someone who lives a life as free of chaos as possible.  Some take this lifestyle to the extreme, but my plan is just to have a clutter-free home.  This is something I’ve been working on for a few years.  I would love to have a home that looks like a picture from a magazine, but with 3 kiddos, I keep my expectations realistic.

Buy a new home
After the birth of our first son Kailer, we tried to get pregnant again for years, before the doctor told us we could keep trying but the odds were stacked against us, and he was sorry about my infertility.  After 5 years, Mike and I finally accepted his diagnosis as our reality.  We bought a 2 bedroom house, and 2 months later found out we were pregnant with Kaleb.  We decided to renovate, and built a third bedroom (ours) in the basement.  Soon our 8 year old Kailer was asking for his own room, so we turned the upstairs office into a bedroom.  For now baby Kayden is in our room, but will soon be moved into the nursery with Kaleb.  So we will need a third kids bedroom once our special K is ready to join us.  Our plan is to move in 2015 when our mortgage is up for refinancing, but we may move before that if the adoption process takes less time.

Perfect special K’s room
Well, this one is kind of self-explanatory.  Once weève moved into our 4 bedroom house and we’ve been paired up with our special K, we’ll know her age, and I can arrange and decorate her room accordingly.

Organize a Welcome party for our special K
Our special K’s arrival will definitely be cause for celebration, so that’s what she will get.  It may be a baby shower-type party or just a welcome party, depending on how much time we have to prepare for her arrival.  Either way, it will be fun and exciting!

Reactions

Now that we’ve made our announcement public, I’m trying to prepare myself for all the different reaction.  Of course there will be those who support and encourage us, but there will also be those who will make it their business to discourage us.  I suppose this is just the reality that comes with the decision to adopt, but it sucks.  I can almost hear some of the phrases now: `But you already have 3 kids`, `Why can`t you just be happy with the children you already have`, `Do you really think you can handle another one`.  I know the phrases will be harsh, so I`m doing my best to prepare for that now, so that in the moment I`ll be able to react with logic and dignity as opposed to emotionally.

Welcome!

Welcome to Our Special K – my adoption blog.

The choice to adopt is a very personal one, and one that should never be taken lightly.  Adoption is vowing to give a child hope, love and security – things that child may never have known otherwise.  Adoption makes a difference and saves lives.  This fact is the root that grew into the choice, that will blossom into the journey and give the gift of family.  We’re very excited to be embarking on this journey, and anxious to be stretched and matured by the process.

My husband Mike and I have been married since 2004.  We have 3 amazing boys, but our hearts still ache for a daughter.  We began the adoption process last year, but had to put it on hold when we found out we were going to be blessed with yet another biological child.  Our third son Kayden was born this past March 31st, and is indeed a blessing.  Due to my gestational diabetes, pregnancy is becoming dangerous – both for myself and the baby, so we’ve decided not to try for a biological daughter, and instead to adopt her into our family.

Thank you for joining us in this process.  It will be exciting, scary, emotional, and of course take far too long.  But it will be worth every second.